Here We Go...

Again. Last night was pretty rough. Addie threw up 2 of 3 feeds and continued to have bloody stools all night and into today. She was frustrated because she was hungry but didn't want to eat. It took me about an hour to get 10 cc (1/3 of an oz.) down her at our 2 a.m. feed. About noon, we noticed that the blood seemed to be a little less than the night before. She has kept down her last 2 meals, too. She's been really cranky, but my guess is her tummy is still pretty tender.

We will most likely see the dr. tomorrow. It is also extremely likely we will get the "well, stay with what you're doing and see what you get" advice. You know, I wish I could tell people stuff they already know and get paid 100 grand a year for it. Anyways, we'll keep up the Nutramigen for as long as it takes if it keeps Addie growing and happy.

I did have a pretty good sized melt down at 1 in the morning as she heaved up her food again. Allen was on his knees cleaning while I held the baby as she got sick. We both looked at each other and the tears welled up. I started crying and simply said, "I cannot bear this burden again." It's hard enough having a baby at home. To have one with extra needs is so tough. Plus, I'm so intimidated by the idea of caring for a sick Addie and being a good mom to Lexi.

This whole food thing is so hard, too. Some kids hate the car or taking a bath. Having a kid who has a love/hate relationship with food is really tough. They HAVE to eat. You feel like you're torturing them to keep them alive. You have to feed them at least 8 times a day. At a minimum of 1/2 an hour for each feed, that's 4 hours a day of torturing your kid. Not to mention the repercussions that follow if they do get ill after they eat. Allen and I have mentioned to one another that we could be dealing with really serious stuff and this is pretty minor. But, it's still frustrating.

I did a little math while my hamsters (my thoughts) were running circles in my brain last night. That formula is about $10 a day. That makes our food budget (for Addie alone) nearly $300 a month. That's a pretty big hit. That will definitely mean some rearranging of priorities and budget cuts. What I dread most is the failure of the new formula. Now, we have seen an improvement and I hope that continues. I can take paying out the wazoo for food if Addie stays all right. I just want the relief of knowing we've got the right stuff. The waiting game is so obnoxious. Hopefully, tonight will be better than last night. If this is really the fix, it's pretty simple. We're uttering prayers by the hour that our "liquid gold" works and Addie won't suffer anymore.