One week to go. At least, that is what the calendar says. Sometimes, I think they give you a due date just to make you crazy. Like I said before, I'm trying not to dwell on it. But, I'm totally dwelling!
I've been having some legitimate contractions, but they won't stay consistent. I have 3 or 4, maybe 5 or 6, about 5 minutes apart and then they go away. I'm taking some recommended home remedies and I'm pretty sure they aren't amounting to much. The deal with that kind of stuff is, if you're ready, they usually help. But, if you're not, they don't. Unfortunately, I must not be ready.
I feel like I'm getting close to the end of a lease with a roommate. You know, when you know you have to make it work to live with someone, you make it work. But, as that move out date approaches, you start to get more and more annoyed with them because you know you're only days away from being rid of their obnoxious habits. So it is with me and this kid. We're getting close to the end of the lease (read: I'm ready to evict the child) and now I'm less and less happy about the rolling, punching, kicking and general abuse I've been putting up with.
I'm sure when I look back, all of this will seem like a blink. I have been contemplating happiness v. joy as I've been unhappy most of these days because of the discomfort. My conclusion is this: happiness is momentary and is usually comprised of the worldly things that occupy much of our lives. When I say momentary, I mean within the bounds of our mortal lifetime. Happiness can masquerade as joy for a long time, but it is not enduring. Happiness isn't a bad thing; it just isn't true joy. Happiness can last for years. We all need happiness in our lives. Joy is the real peace and contentment that comes from the eternal things. I have to say I'm really grateful to know I have an eternal family. Getting people to this Earth isn't always easy and it certainly isn't always happiness. Living with people here on Earth isn't either. But, there are those times where you can experience joy, which is in essence, eternal happiness, when you are doing things of eternal consequence. Having the eternal perspective makes bearing the worldly struggles, well, bearable. I'm not sure how I would do it if I really believed my family wouldn't be intact throughout eternity. Knowing this little person is linked to us long after this life makes this miserable time worth it. I also have a firm testimony that each person belongs to the family they are with. I know with all my heart and mind that this person is supposed to be in our family at this time. How could I know these things and not find the 9 months of sacrifice (and let's face it, lifetime, of sacrifice) more worthwhile? How can I ignore the big picture? The gospel makes a lot of sense.
Anyhow, spirituality aside, I'm still eager to move beyond the pregnancy part of the deal and get to the raising part. My (supposedly) final doctor's appointment in on Friday and hopefully, it'll be good news! (Like, you can stay and have your baby!) Again, not holding my breath since I tried that and I've just been passing out way too much.
About Me
- Riddlez
- What started as a way to communicate with far away friends and family has become a place for this horse trainer/HR manager turned stay at home mom of 3 girls to hold on to a bit of her own identity. It's my take on the ins and outs, the ups and downs, the thoughts and feelings, the mistakes and triumphs of this family as we bumble our way to eternity.
2 comments:
That was a wonderful explanation, one that I never thought about, I completely agree. I think the first few months of Tyler's life inlcuding labor/delivery were,well, awful. But in the last month I have really found pure joy in being his Mom. I have always loved him and been happy that we had him, even when we did (although that was not my time table), but last month has been pure joy; it's like I made the transition that I needed to make. I couldn't agree with you more when it comes to each person being a part of each family for specific reasons as certain times!
Hang in there we love you all and are thinking about you constantly hoping that each long distance phone call might be from you guys!
Love your pics, thanks for finally putting some up!! I can totally understand the eviction part...only I actually got to give one! Hope your last week goes okay, rest a lot because once the baby gets here you won't rest at all (ha, ha, had to include that, as if you could rest anyways!) Love you and take care of everybody, especially yourself.
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