Mystery Solved?

A few posts ago, Lexi was having a hard time staying at the new sitter's. I had taken her back after the "2 hours of crying day" to try again. My client's horse was lame and I had a feeling all was not going well at the sitter's so I ended up picking Lexi up about 1/2 hour after I left her (if a client's lesson runs short/horse is lame/etc, I'll sometimes run errands or do my own horsey chores at home before getting Lexi). She was still crying. Not hysterical, but blubbering. I could hear her saying, "Ok" through her tears as she tried to play with the other kids. Another friend of mine happened to be there and Lexi was hanging onto to her for dear life.

I told sitter mom that Lexi was obviously going through some growth and I did not blame her at all for Lexi's outbursts. Lexi has always loved Allen and has never, ever cried for me. Lately, she has been asking for me more and wanting to spend more time with me. We think it's because she knows things are changing. She may also just be getting a little more clingy. I figured this may have been a manifestation of those new desires. I did have the little mommy feeling, though, that something else might have been going on to make Lexi feel so uncomfortable.

Lexi has never been afraid of new places, timid or shy around anyone. She never had a problem with nursery or any of the other people she's stayed with. She's been with big groups, small groups, one on one and so forth. Anyhow, I was trying hard not to be over protective mommy here and give Lexi a chance to get through the tough times and eventually settle in. Things just kept getting worse and worse though. I had decided that I would wrap up with the new sitter to save her the anguish of watching a high maintenance kid and to save Lexi the trauma. As it turns out, last Thursday was the last day new-sitter mom could watch Lexi and with my client's horse being lame, I wasn't in need of a sitter anyway. So, as usual, things kind of just worked out the way they should.

Well, my client's horse is ok and I need a sitter 3 more times before my contract is over. I asked the same friend who had been at the sitter's on the fateful day last week if she'd be willing to watch Lexi. She's had her a couple of other times and all goes well. We were both a little curious to see if Lexi would be her normal self or scared. When S got here today, Lexi ran to the door and said, "You carry me?" S, being the nice mommy she is (I say, NO! you can walk) picked her up. Lexi looked back at me and said, "Bye Momma". Totally comfortable, willing, and agreeable. When I picked her up, she had been great and was happy. S told me she had worried that Lexi would be upset after seeing her at the other sitters, but was glad to see she was fine.

We talked a bit and S mentioned that the other sitter mom had seemed really overwhelmed when she was there. My thought: well, she had a blubbering 2 year old to watch, her 4 year old's preschool co-op to deal with, and two other kids under the age of 3 to manage. How could I fault her for seeming a little stressed that day? On that last day, we had visited a little while before I took Lexi home. I observed some things that kind of solved the puzzle for me. One of the girls pushed Lexi aside to get by and then slammed a door in her face. It wasn't directed at Lexi to be mean, really, but I could see how with 4 older girls around, if that happened a lot, Lexi might get intimidated. The energy is different at the house, but not in a bad way. Just different. I think she just felt out of sorts.

I still think this mom is great. I would trust her with any of my kids, anytime. After having observed, discussed, and pondered, I really just think the setting didn't jive with Lexi. I don't think that has any reflection on the quality of the family one bit. I'm glad I listened to my "mommy sense" and decided to let that one day be the last day. Even if it wasn't anything terrible or harmful, there's no reason for Lexi to be that upset or for this mom to have to try to deal with it. After seeing her reach out to my friend today, I felt relieved about my choice. I know Lexi won't always have the choice to leave a situation when she's not comfortable, but I do think I'll always listen to that voice and try to figure out the best solution.