This and That

I've got lots of thoughts and feelings to share, none of them substantial enough to justify an entire post. And, I'm not going to bother everyone on Facebook with them all either. Plus, when I don't blog, I don't sleep and I do love me some sleep.

- They say that the top three ways to stress a marriage are to 1) change/start a new job, 2) move or 3) have a child. In the last 18 months, we have had a child, started a new job and moved twice.

- Our house in New Mexico hasn't sold yet. We've put in all new flooring and dropped the price. Lots of traffic and good feedback, but no takers. We expected this, but having two mortgages weighs heavily on a person's mind.

- I've had a few moments of strength I should remember: saying no to Halloween candy (except for one night when I gave myself permission to eat a certain amount and stuck with that commitment), saying no to McDonalds when I allowed the kids to have a treat - not even a lick or taste, keeping soda intake to 1 can a week, and not eating those darn cupcakes I made (I actually threw the extra away to stop it from going into my mouth).

- Today when I looked in the mirror, the thought that entered my brain was "Ugh. You are still so fat."In May, I bought sweats. Size XXL. Last week, I bought sweats from the same place. Size L. And they are baggy.  I almost shook myself. That type of thinking is so self destructive.

- I've been missing my Grandpa George a lot lately. He's been on my mind almost constantly. I wish my kids had known him better. I feel like having him in my life shaped me in so many good ways; I am sad for them to grow up without him.

- I teach the 8 year olds in church on Sundays. I spend 2 hours with them. They are dynamic and smart and polite and wonderful. Every week it pains me to dig deep enough to be all that they deserve from a teacher. I still struggle to be the person who naturally enjoys the younger crowd. (I think this topic may be a post of it's own later, but I'm still trying to understand it all myself.)

- I am the assistant leader for Lexi's girl scout group. I swore I would never make her do GS. I was in GS for a long time. I don't remember ever liking it. I didn't resonate with the girls. I didn't enjoy the crafts and projects. I thought the singing was lame. And I thought most of the women leaders (except for my own leader who was - and is - the most patient and kind woman around), were obnoxious and catty. Being back in, even as an adult, makes me feel all of those things all over again. And, I really don't feel much joy helping the kids. And, I'm convinced that a requirement of being a leader is to own a pair of mom jeans and an ill fitting hooded sweatshirt. I know, I'm an evil, awful person.

- I'm struggling being at home with my kids. I feel like my patience has gone on an extended vacay and I'm on my own. It's mostly been since we moved. I know it's due, in large part, to my own selfishness. I'm wanting to get organized, and settled, and function and my kids want a mom. I know the more important part. I still struggle. We've spent lots of time in family prayer, and me in personal prayer, to try and stay focused on the things that matter most.

- I'm growing my hair out. Why does this seem to take so flippin' long? Ugh. I will not cut it all off. I will not cut it all off. I will not cut it all off.

- The End.

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What started as a way to communicate with far away friends and family has become a place for this horse trainer/HR manager turned stay at home mom of 3 girls to hold on to a bit of her own identity. It's my take on the ins and outs, the ups and downs, the thoughts and feelings, the mistakes and triumphs of this family as we bumble our way to eternity.