48 Hours

The last have been a bit rough. Where shall I start? Hmmmm.

How about:
- Allen left Tuesday at 5 a.m. for ABQ. He doesn't come back until Sunday afternoon.
- In a great coincidence surely guided by the hell-gods, it's my time. You know, time.

Dude.

- We got back the Friday before (two days before he left ya'll) at 5 p.m. from a last minute trip to see my dying Grandpa in Idaho.
- Did you see that my Gpa is dying? Yeah. So, um, that pretty much bites ass. Lots of ass. Big, hairy, cancerous ass.
- We were gone for 6 days. We had a (great and thank you to everyone who helped) birthday party the day after we got home.
- So, I'm on my own with the kiddos trying to recover from our unplanned trip and a birthday party.
- It's my week to carpool.
- I'd been doing fine until Thursday night.
- Then, I got this text: haven't talked to you all week! Are you sure you're up for watching the kids tomorrow?
- Screeching halt. What kids? Who has kids? What in the name of Sam Hill are you talking about?
- Yeah. So I totally, happily offered to help out my SIL and take two of her kiddos for the morning. Like two months ago. Except I forgot. And I wasn't in the carpool yet. And I can't put all of the kids in the mamma mobile AND get the carpool girls too. My SIL has a job. Yeah, so now she's trying to get her regular sitter to work on her day off and rearrange her job because my brain fell out.
- Another mom (who has 5 kids bytheway) graciously agreed to trade me days and even had a smile on her face this morning. Tragedy averted, but there was much stress and guilt involved.
- Gpa Bob was visiting so I decided to take Davis for a moonlight bike ride. He hadn't been out all week.
- I crashed on the bike.
- Before I even got out of the garage. (STOP YOUR LAUGHING. Stop it right now.)
- I ran into a stroller on the right.
- And then a bar stool on the left. It tipped over and I flipped over it.
- And hit the table saw.
- That the new plants were sitting on. They fell.
- And the case of Aquafina sitting on the ground fell over and all of the water bottles went rolling down the driveway in a bazillion different directions.
- Then I caught my toe as I was jumping over the stool, bike and water bottles (so what if I was wearing flip flops) on the spokes and ripped my toenail back and up and it was bleeding from underneath the nail.
- Of course I looked up to see if anyone saw. DUH. (If anyone did they kept their laughter on silent or I'd of had to fist fight them with my bloody toe.)
- We still went on the bike ride. With blood dripping from my toe and the nerve endings screaming out loud.
- As we were coming back into the garage, the bike let out a moan, then clanked, dropped it's guts on the floor and the tires stopped spinning. No, the chain didn't fall off. I think the gears ATE the chain. Um, sure, I'd love to try switching the gears. IF THE LEVER TO DO THAT ACTUALLY WORKED.
- By now, you must see how frazzled I've become because of all the YELLING.
- Addie lost her pacifier. Hello, unplanned weaning. Can you say rhymes with "want to commit suicide"?
- I dropped the stroller on my toe. Yes. The bad one. Duh.
- Lexi asked to have a camp out. And since I'm the most awesome single parent in the history of the world, I said yes. So, we went to the store. Me and all three of the kids.
- And got ourselves $70 worth of needed and un-needed groceries.
- And as we were checking out, I realized I'd forgotten my wallet.
- I FORGOT MY WALLET.
- And they are so nice they suspended my transaction.
- So we all (me and the three kids) went back home and got the wallet.
- And it was 6:20 and they were starving so I grabbed juice boxes and snacks.
- Lexi squeezed her box and it sprayed juice everywhere.
- I had the mamma mobile washed and detailed yesterday.
- We went back to the store, I paid for our groceries and unloaded them.
- As I was putting a bag in the back, the shopping cart careened off of the curb and crashed into the car.
- It left a 6 inch scratch. No, it didn't rub out. It scratched my freaking truck.
- While I was trying to get Emily dressed, Addie was misbeaving and figthing with Lexi.
- We'd gone over this particular offense about a million times. So, I spanked her bare bum.
- She dropped to the floor and screamed.
- And then she stood up and PISSED on the floor.
- So I had to spray her off in the shower. She hates the shower.
- While I was drying Lexi's hair, Emily starting drinking the shampoo.
- No, I'm serious. She drank it.
- I irrigated her mouth and brought everyone downstairs.
- Then, I saw that Emily's hair was all frothy.
- So, I had to wash her head in the sink that is full of dishes. Dishses that have ketchup on them.
- The smell of ketchup on dishes makes me gag.
- Then, all three of the girls wanted to cuddle but I could only hold one at a time. So, I explained that while I held Lexi, Addie would cuddle Emmy. And while I held Emmy, Lexi would cuddle Addie. And while I held Addie, Lexi would cuddle Emmy. And that worked ok until Emmy kicked Addie in the face and Addie started crying and drooling everywhere.
- Then Emmy had her own meltdown that included throwing the nearest toy three different times, rolling on the floor, kicking, crying and picking up said toy again just so she could throw it down. She's not even one.
- I haven't showered for 2 days.
- My toe still has the original blood on it.

p.s. I've hired a babysitter. I have a 30% off coupon for the Gap outlet. It's gonna be all good. All good.