I Need a Wife

You know, someone who will:

  • wash the dishes so when I reach for one they are magically available for my convenience
  • cook my food so when I walk in the door hot and delicious food is ready for me
  • do my laundry so when I get dressed all of my clothes are miraculously available to me without even having to think about it
  • clean my house so that I can enjoy being home without the worry of actually maintaining the place
  • make my appointments so that I don't have to waste my valuable brain space keeping track of myself
  • wake up in the night with the kids so that my sleep isn't interrupted because I have real things to do in the morning and need a full night's rest to be at my best
  • take my kids to their various appointments so I can spend my time doing things of real consequence
  • always be available to babysit the kids so I can do the things of import in life without worrying about the kids and their needs
  • arrange for date nights so I can enjoy a break from the mundane life I lead without having to waste my time calling the sitter, hatching the plan, and preparing the home and kids so we can leave and have a good time
  • maintain my family relationships so I can see and enjoy my family without the bother of actually calling them or writing them to set up such events
  • plan all family events so I can have fun with my kids and family without the mess of finding a venue, creating a budget, gathering the necessary supplies, contacting the family, making reservations, packing the goods, predicting every possible problem and providing every possible solution, or cleaning up the whole mess
  • shop for the household so that when I need soap or food or a light bulb it's always available, and I never have to go without, but don't have to worry about any of it so I can spend my time doing things that really matter
  • worry about my comfort and happiness so that I am well taken care of without having to actually take care of myself
  • remember where every barrette, shoe, sock, book, tape measure, or miscellaneous item was last deposited so that I won't have to waste my time putting things in their rightful place but will always have what I need at hand
  • cancel her own plans to take care of the needs of everyone in the household so that I don't have to be inconvenienced or miss out on something that is important in my life
  • ponder the kids every need and what is best for them and where they need extra attention or if they are thriving so that I can just enjoy the fun part of parenting
  • completely set aside her own needs so that my needs are always met because life is just really that stressful, and I can't possibly be bothered to worry about such things

1 comment:

The Giuliacci Family said...

Are you taking applications?

About Me

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What started as a way to communicate with far away friends and family has become a place for this horse trainer/HR manager turned stay at home mom of 3 girls to hold on to a bit of her own identity. It's my take on the ins and outs, the ups and downs, the thoughts and feelings, the mistakes and triumphs of this family as we bumble our way to eternity.