5 months, 3 weeks

So the picture is at 5 months, 3 weeks, but I'm writing this at 6 months, 1 week (or something like that).

This pregnancy has been a lot like my others. The only bummer is that with each one, I stay sick longer. This time was 18 weeks. It's livable, like most miserable experiences, but it does suck. I've felt some waves of emotions that aren't typical for me. I'm usually very un-needy, not weepy, independent and capable. Not that my life has changed, I still function the same, but occasionally, I get this strong wave of feeling sad, or needy, or vulnerable. Definitely off-putting for me; I don't like it one bit.

I've gained 5 pounds so far. At times, I wanted to eat nothing but junk to try and make the sick go away, but in reality, nothing makes it better so feeding the beast doesn't do anything but add unnecessary pounds.

The baby is very active. We get to have another ultrasound in a few days to check out her heart and make sure all is well. I like the chance to see in there so I'm excited. We are also going to do a 3D ultrasound in a month or so; we've never done that before so it should be a cool experience.

My memory is all but gone. If I've lost something, I don't even try to recall where it might be. You know, when you're not possessed by another being (i.e. pregnant), you can think about something, and feel that it's within your mind's grasp. There's hope you'll suddenly recall what it is you're trying to find or where you left something or what you're supposed to be doing. Pregnancy all but kills that part of my brain.

They call this the "wonder phase". It's that happy time where there's a baby bump instead of just looking fat, but your body is still working pretty right. You're not in pain yet. Sleep is still possible. Tying your shoes is still possible. Your face and feet aren't bloated beyond recognition yet.

But, the sad truth is that once you've been pregnant, your body conveniently remembers the experience and goes from normal to trashed almost immediately. My hips hurt. My feet have started swelling. My hands get really stiff, and won't work by the end of the day. It's really all par for the course. I do have sciatica this time around. I've never had that before. I really hope that after I have the baby, it goes away. It's not debilitating, but it's pretty uncomfortable. I don't dwell on the physical irritations, though, because I've still got almost 1/2 a pregnancy to survive and if I admit to misery now, I'll be wishing for death in a few short weeks. It's really all part of the process, and complaining won't help or change it anyways.

The girls are excited to have another sister. They talk about what life will be like when the baby comes. They have all offered to babysit. The little ones are especially aware of babies when we are out on the town and always point them out to me.

I feel strong, overall. I'm still completely engaged as mom during the day (like there's any other choice for a mom, though, right?). We still go and do, just like I'm not growing another person in there. I just finished coaching soccer and I'm still giving riding lessons. At night, I'm a useless blob, but I try to do all of my "chores" before I hit my wall, and don't bother with feeling guilty. If something doesn't get done, it'll be there tomorrow. Allen tries to do a little more since I'm a fixture on the couch after 8 p.m., and that's been a relief to me. But, all in all, I feel pretty good.

You'll have to excuse the toilet in the background. The jerk photo bombed my picture.

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About Me

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What started as a way to communicate with far away friends and family has become a place for this horse trainer/HR manager turned stay at home mom of 3 girls to hold on to a bit of her own identity. It's my take on the ins and outs, the ups and downs, the thoughts and feelings, the mistakes and triumphs of this family as we bumble our way to eternity.