Sweet Lexi

I grew up - literally, starting at age 3 - watching horror movies with my Dad. When I would ask him why something happened, he would say "Because the director wanted it that way." I always knew it wasn't real. I never had nightmares about any of it. But I did love the suspense that builds up as the creepy music takes over and you know what is coming, but do you dare look?!?

With Halloween upon us, I'm eager to embrace the entire spectacle. This is, by far, my most favorite Holiday. I look forward to a whole month of scary movies on television. I love the twist of reality. I love the creativity of the entire season. And, I do love to be scared.

My dad came to town tonight to watch Lexi's game. We then made our way to the local Halloween store; we had been planning on going for weeks. We were totally in our element. Little Addie was giggling at the animated ghosts and ghouls.

My sweet Lexi, however, she was not in her element. She is a sensitive spirit. She takes every conversation to heart. Processess scenarios over and over. Worries endlessly about things little girls shouldn't worry about.

Lexi had begged to come to the store. She was so excited to help me get ready for the season. But, as soon as we went to the darkest and scariest part of the store, she was overcome with fear. She started crying and wanted to leave. 

She was frightened. That is a feeling I very rarely identify with so it is a foreign concept for me to cover. We all showed Lexi that every scary being in the store was not real. That everything was just pretend. That it was moving because it was mechanical, not alive. Even Addie tried to console her older sister with kids words and hugs. 

As we got into the car, Lexi said, "I'm sorry, mom. I was trying to be brave." 

On the way home, I told Lexi this:

"It's ok to be afraid. You are a special girl who knows what feels right and wrong. That is a gift from your Father in Heaven. To know already what is good in this life is something you should never be sorry about. Never ignore that feeling. If you ever feel like what is going on around you isn't good, you leave that place. You never feel bad for trusting this feeling inside."

I then assured her that if any of our decorations made her feel yucky, we wouldn't put them out. We are going to decorate together and she gets the final word. 

I'm so grateful for this sweet little girl who is already very aware of her internal barometer. I'm so grateful she is already paying attention to the subtle feelings she is getting to help guide her to the things that are good and worth while in this life. She is truly special. I will happily foster her desire to be around uplifting material even if it means having the least scary house in the block. 

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What started as a way to communicate with far away friends and family has become a place for this horse trainer/HR manager turned stay at home mom of 3 girls to hold on to a bit of her own identity. It's my take on the ins and outs, the ups and downs, the thoughts and feelings, the mistakes and triumphs of this family as we bumble our way to eternity.