4.12.2009
30!
Yesterday was my 30th birthday. It started off like any other day and got progressively crappier. Allen and I were both disappointed. But, it ended with a BBQ and lots of friends and we ended up having a great time. Allen had called and invited a few of our friends over and we had about 20 people for a simple dinner and my favorite: ice cream cake. The weather was terrible; raining and windy all day but we still managed to fit everyone inside and it was a really nice, casual get together. 
Rumor on the street is that your 30's are way better than your 20's. I'm really looking forward to that. I think sometimes, we forget just how much change a person goes through in their 20's. You leave home, probably get married (holy crap!) and usually start having kids (double holy crap!!). If you think your teenage kids are hormonal, introduce yourself to a woman in her 20's! And growth is usually accompanied by pain. Like it or not, growth isn't usually the most comfortable experience. Plus, the choices you make in your 20's have a lot more long-term impact on your life than say, oh, what color dress to wear to prom. I'm guessing my 30's will still include big decisions and growing pains, but I at least hope to feel more confident about myself. More at peace with who I am and where I fit in this world. And maybe, if I'm lucky, a little hard won wisdom to help me know what is really important and what isn't.
4.10.2009
Gone Fishin'
Now that all of our guests have gone, Allen beautified the fish tank. He made a point of the fact that we don't have any one coming (ok, except LaNell) in the near future and that it was kind of sad every one saw it all jacked up. So, I took some photos for posterity's' sake.
Our super cool glow in the dark plant.
A Whale Tale
As I was walking by the bathroom this evening, I encountered this:
I think to myself: "Is she talking to the whale?"
Allen yells from her bedroom: "She's talking to the whale!"
Me: Does she do this every night?
A: Yes!
While we're talking, I hear Lexi telling the whale, "It's ok. I love you." She then proceeds to kiss the whale.
I asked Lexi, "What's going on with the whale?"
Lexi: She's sad. She can't find her momma.
Allen (still in the bedroom): Nothing sadder than a whale without its momma.
Lexi (to the whale): I love you whale.
Allen: You can't pay for this kind of stuff.
I think to myself: "Is she talking to the whale?"
Allen yells from her bedroom: "She's talking to the whale!"
Me: Does she do this every night?
A: Yes!
While we're talking, I hear Lexi telling the whale, "It's ok. I love you." She then proceeds to kiss the whale.
I asked Lexi, "What's going on with the whale?"
Lexi: She's sad. She can't find her momma.
Allen (still in the bedroom): Nothing sadder than a whale without its momma.
Lexi (to the whale): I love you whale.
Allen: You can't pay for this kind of stuff.
4.09.2009
Knowledge #2
In your journal, list talents you have and others you'd like to develop. Reach Matthew 25:14-30. Learn a new skill or talent that will help you care for your future family or home. Share with your family, class or YW leader what you learned.
Current Talents
Current Talents
- Planning
- Cooking
- Time management
- Multi-tasking
- Teaching
- Child care
- Leadership
Talents I'd like to develop
- Playing the piano better
- Budgeting
- Sewing
- Canning
I worked on budgeting. This has been a work in progress for me. Before I got married, I'd never balanced a checkbook. I kept a "running total" in my head. I also had a lot of parental support and a strong safety net. This was useful, but not helpful in my developing a skill set to live independently. If I made a poor choice, I was usually bailed out. I never felt the repercussions of poor money management.
When I got married and suddenly had to consider our family's budget, learning to be disciplined was hard. It was like learning about gravity and cement by jumping out of a car going 35 mph. There was a lot of road rash.
I've learned many things as I've learned to keep track of our/my money. This is just one of those things.
Whether we like it or not, budgeting is a huge part of our happiness. It's like following any other set of rules: we can either embrace them and enjoy their protection or we can fight against them and see them as limitation. However, following the rules is actually very liberating. You will find that if you stick with the guidelines you are given, you will feel less anxiety, stress and worry. You will have peace of heart and mind.
This is how a budget can be a positive thing in your life. You will not worry about tomorrow, feeding your family, or if you'll survive to the next paycheck. If you stay within in your budget, you will not feel the constant nagging of debt. You won't have your life controlled by this unseen force. It won't occupy your thoughts and time. You won't spend your days trying to figure out how to juggle the finances.
If you have a clear budget, and stick with it, you will always know where you stand with your money. You can make decisions much more easily. Yes, I can afford it or No, I can't. It really can be that simple. This doesn't mean you can't have the fun stuff. You just simply put what you can reasonably afford into your budget and stay with that amount. One of the great things is that you can re-visit your budget and make changes if something isn't working out. It's a pretty flexible thing if you get to know it.
Just as with living the commandments, many people try to live live in the "grey". They try to straddle the line that divides obedience and "being cool" or in the world. I've learned that living in the grey is a tough thing to do and will always make you question yourself. It's frustrating to feel like you're making excuses for your choices and always pushing against the boundaries. Often, you end up slipping and on the side that isn't in your favor.
Rather, I choose to be black and white on many issues. Some would like to tell you it isn't that simple, but it is. You either do or your don't. You have the dollars, or you don't. You can make excuses for breaking your budget, but there isn't really any reason to forfeit your own goals and rules. There really isn't anything so worth squandering what you've worked so hard to achieve. It does take some sacrifice and discipline. Neither of these is always comfortable or easily lived through. But, if you give it a try, you will greatly blessed. You will also quickly gain a testimony of the blessings of living within the bounds you have set for yourself.
4.07.2009
Knowledge #1
Learn about the importance of gaining knowledge by reading Proverbs 1:5; 4:7; 2 Nephi 28:30; and Doctrine and Covenants 88:78-80; 118; 90:15, 130: 18-19; 131:6. Think about why you need to gain knowledge and understanding about how gospel principles may be applied to our present and future home and family life. Write in your journal what you have learned about knowledge and discuss with with a family member or YW leader.
We are encouraged to see out and learn any and all things possible. We are to be diligent in our efforts to increase our knowledge. When we die, if we are worthy, the mysteries of the world will be shown to us. How much easier will it be to understand those teachings if we already have a foundation of knowledge? Will we be able to understand the more complex ideas of the hereafter and universe if we cannot understand the mechanics of how the Earth operates, mathematics (the laws of the starts in higher applications), history, the principles of the gospel, etc? That is just one reason to seek to learn as much as we can.
If we are living righteously, we will be brought to the situations we each need to learn what we need to know to reach our potential in this life. Each of us will need different experiences to achieve that goal. While there are many principles that we all need to know, each of us has a different potential/goal in this lifetime that can only be attained if we do certain things in this life.
For example, if we are reading our scriptures, we will have access to revelation we would have never had otherwise. That revelation may be a springboard to other opportunities. If we associate with the people we should be, we will have opportunities we wouldn't have otherwise. If we associate with people who put us in dangerous situations, we may be limited in our future opportunities due to consequences of our actions while with those people (if you get arrested and go to jail, you're going to miss out on some stuff). This principle can be applied to all of our choices. The most righteous choice will help us to have the experiences we need to gain eternal life. There may be a good choice, better choice and then there is the best choice. Only the best choice will provide the ultimate experiences we need to become who we can be.
The application of knowledge is sometimes a tricky thing to do. Often we know what should be done, but it takes will power or sacrifice. Sometimes we may be able to apply the things we learn easily. Other times, it will be hard. When we are teaching what we know to others, it may be well received or rejected. Of course, the most important education we can receive is one of the gospel and its principles. Living the gospel is a big job. When we are young, we are in charge of ourselves and can practice living the gospel by controlling ourselves. Once you have a family, you must not only control yourself, but teach your children how to apply the gospel to their own lives. You must teach them to pray when they need answers, to follow the promptings they receive, to willingly serve others, love others, practice forgiveness and to be stay true to their values in the world we live in. Of course, your kids may not want to hear what you have to say, but you still want to teach them. That method will vary among families and children as we are each individual and do not all learn the same way.
HF expects us to use our knowledge wisely and with humility. We are not to be boastful or prideful in our wisdom. We should never make another feel badly about their level of understanding or experience or because they don't know what we might know. We might have the charge of teaching that person in this life and should approach that privilege with a humble heart.
HF also asks us to apply faith and a spiritual mind and heart to our learning. I think this will help us to choose the things that we should spend our time learning about. This will also help us to discern the philosophies of men from truth and apply that knowledge in way that will be helpful to ourselves and others. We should be teachable and eager to learn from others.
We can receive knowledge many ways. We must be determined and make a life long effort to add unto our current "data base". We must also be mindful of the things that are truly worth learning and seek out those things.
We are encouraged to see out and learn any and all things possible. We are to be diligent in our efforts to increase our knowledge. When we die, if we are worthy, the mysteries of the world will be shown to us. How much easier will it be to understand those teachings if we already have a foundation of knowledge? Will we be able to understand the more complex ideas of the hereafter and universe if we cannot understand the mechanics of how the Earth operates, mathematics (the laws of the starts in higher applications), history, the principles of the gospel, etc? That is just one reason to seek to learn as much as we can.
If we are living righteously, we will be brought to the situations we each need to learn what we need to know to reach our potential in this life. Each of us will need different experiences to achieve that goal. While there are many principles that we all need to know, each of us has a different potential/goal in this lifetime that can only be attained if we do certain things in this life.
For example, if we are reading our scriptures, we will have access to revelation we would have never had otherwise. That revelation may be a springboard to other opportunities. If we associate with the people we should be, we will have opportunities we wouldn't have otherwise. If we associate with people who put us in dangerous situations, we may be limited in our future opportunities due to consequences of our actions while with those people (if you get arrested and go to jail, you're going to miss out on some stuff). This principle can be applied to all of our choices. The most righteous choice will help us to have the experiences we need to gain eternal life. There may be a good choice, better choice and then there is the best choice. Only the best choice will provide the ultimate experiences we need to become who we can be.
The application of knowledge is sometimes a tricky thing to do. Often we know what should be done, but it takes will power or sacrifice. Sometimes we may be able to apply the things we learn easily. Other times, it will be hard. When we are teaching what we know to others, it may be well received or rejected. Of course, the most important education we can receive is one of the gospel and its principles. Living the gospel is a big job. When we are young, we are in charge of ourselves and can practice living the gospel by controlling ourselves. Once you have a family, you must not only control yourself, but teach your children how to apply the gospel to their own lives. You must teach them to pray when they need answers, to follow the promptings they receive, to willingly serve others, love others, practice forgiveness and to be stay true to their values in the world we live in. Of course, your kids may not want to hear what you have to say, but you still want to teach them. That method will vary among families and children as we are each individual and do not all learn the same way.
HF expects us to use our knowledge wisely and with humility. We are not to be boastful or prideful in our wisdom. We should never make another feel badly about their level of understanding or experience or because they don't know what we might know. We might have the charge of teaching that person in this life and should approach that privilege with a humble heart.
HF also asks us to apply faith and a spiritual mind and heart to our learning. I think this will help us to choose the things that we should spend our time learning about. This will also help us to discern the philosophies of men from truth and apply that knowledge in way that will be helpful to ourselves and others. We should be teachable and eager to learn from others.
We can receive knowledge many ways. We must be determined and make a life long effort to add unto our current "data base". We must also be mindful of the things that are truly worth learning and seek out those things.
4.06.2009
Let Me Introduce You
To Murphy. As in Murphy's Law, which has been strictly enforced around our place lately. I hope this is the last we'll hear of it.
So, you know our Excursion was hit while we were shopping. We dealt with the fiasco and it came back in beautiful condition. The paint was shiny, accurate, and looked like the original. The bumper was put on correctly, better than it had been when we bought it and ready to go.
I went to the previously mentioned shopping complex (testing fate, I suppose) to get groceries for the upcoming guests. Everything was going fine. Under budget, record time, and I didn't even stop at the fast food joint for a milkshake and criss cut fries (and I hadn't even had dinner, either).
I get home with just enough time to unload so Allen can run to the airport to pick up our arrivals. As I reach to open the back window to unload my hull, the handle snaps off in my hand.
Are you kidding me?
I almost starting crying. Just the exhaustion of having to deal with one inconvenience after another for the last 4 months, on top of, raising a new baby (who isn't quite normal) is kind of taking its toll.
I chose to laugh instead. I walked in, handed the handle to Allen and walked back out. He literally said, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?"
Whatta ya gonna do?
P.S. Did I mention that either the starter or glow plugs and relay are also going out?
So, you know our Excursion was hit while we were shopping. We dealt with the fiasco and it came back in beautiful condition. The paint was shiny, accurate, and looked like the original. The bumper was put on correctly, better than it had been when we bought it and ready to go.
I went to the previously mentioned shopping complex (testing fate, I suppose) to get groceries for the upcoming guests. Everything was going fine. Under budget, record time, and I didn't even stop at the fast food joint for a milkshake and criss cut fries (and I hadn't even had dinner, either).
I get home with just enough time to unload so Allen can run to the airport to pick up our arrivals. As I reach to open the back window to unload my hull, the handle snaps off in my hand.
Are you kidding me?
I almost starting crying. Just the exhaustion of having to deal with one inconvenience after another for the last 4 months, on top of, raising a new baby (who isn't quite normal) is kind of taking its toll.
I chose to laugh instead. I walked in, handed the handle to Allen and walked back out. He literally said, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?"
Whatta ya gonna do?
P.S. Did I mention that either the starter or glow plugs and relay are also going out?
4.05.2009
Individual Worth #1
Read Psalm 8:4-6, Jeremiah 1:5, John 13:34, Doctrine and Covenants 18:10 and Abraham 3:22-23. In your journal, write how these scriptures teach you that Heavenly Father loves you and is mindful of you.
Heavenly Father repeatedly states that he has knows us as spirits - long before our mortal journey ever began. He also trusts us enough to give us stewardship over many of his sacred creations. he trusts us to care for his other spirit children as we raise our own families during our time here on Earth.
Generally, if you do not know the true nature of a person, you do not entrust them with the things you hold dearest to your heart. It takes a long time to get to know some one's true nature and to learn the little details that make them who they are. Heavenly Father has known us for a long time - since before the world was even created. He knows the true nature of our spirits. He has seen us without the distractions and temptations of this life. He knows us as we know our own children. Each idiosyncrasy, each fear, desire, hope and dream. He knows our small weaknesses, pet peeves, and where we are the most tender. Just as we know that one child likes certain music at bedtime and the other must have her blanket to go to bed, Heavenly Father knows what each of us needs to feel comforted and cared for during this lifetime.
Heavenly Father repeatedly states that he has knows us as spirits - long before our mortal journey ever began. He also trusts us enough to give us stewardship over many of his sacred creations. he trusts us to care for his other spirit children as we raise our own families during our time here on Earth.
Generally, if you do not know the true nature of a person, you do not entrust them with the things you hold dearest to your heart. It takes a long time to get to know some one's true nature and to learn the little details that make them who they are. Heavenly Father has known us for a long time - since before the world was even created. He knows the true nature of our spirits. He has seen us without the distractions and temptations of this life. He knows us as we know our own children. Each idiosyncrasy, each fear, desire, hope and dream. He knows our small weaknesses, pet peeves, and where we are the most tender. Just as we know that one child likes certain music at bedtime and the other must have her blanket to go to bed, Heavenly Father knows what each of us needs to feel comforted and cared for during this lifetime.
More Family Visits
Allen's youngest brother, Craig, his wife, Rachel and their son, Nolan were able squeeze in a visit during his college Spring Break. We've had a really good time just hanging out and taking it pretty easy. Addie has been spoiled by the extra attention. Rachel and Craig are expecting their second and swear Addie is good practice for them. We played Settlers of Catan (I am not a board game fan, but when we have enough people Allen really likes to play). Rachel and I took a couple of hours to ourselves and had mani/pedis. That was a real treat for both of us!
The kids have been running around and played outside when the wind would allow. Lexi and Nolan have gotten along pretty well for two oldest children who haven't had to share anything with anyone in their own homes. We even fit in a quick trip to the local park.
We did make one day trip while they were here. I'm sure everyone will be shocked to learn where we went.
The zoo!
This time, Spring had definitely sprung and the animals were very active. The weather was pretty nice (but that night we had 65 mph winds!). The animal trainers were out and about, camel rides were going, and there were lots of kids. We all had a really good time.
We did make one day trip while they were here. I'm sure everyone will be shocked to learn where we went.
The zoo!
This time, Spring had definitely sprung and the animals were very active. The weather was pretty nice (but that night we had 65 mph winds!). The animal trainers were out and about, camel rides were going, and there were lots of kids. We all had a really good time.
We all thought this was a funny way to catch a nap.
4.04.2009
Sleep When You're Dead
Or, you can just come to our house! Addie has dropped her middle of the night feed. She sleeps soundly until 6 a.m. and we throw her in the swing to get another hour or so. This is such a great development.
The only adjustment will be my waking up every hour wondering why the baby isn't up yet. I'm sure I'll get over that in, oh, 5 minutes or something and then we'll all be sort of human again.
Yeah for Addie.
The only adjustment will be my waking up every hour wondering why the baby isn't up yet. I'm sure I'll get over that in, oh, 5 minutes or something and then we'll all be sort of human again.
Yeah for Addie.
4.02.2009
My Two Cents
Ok, so it’s more like a dollar. Or twenty dollars. After this, I might need that money to buy my friends back.
As of late, when I explain how I feel and what my life is like currently, I get a lot of information back. I'm sure its for my use. Never mind if I was just venting or talking or being alive. Anyhow...this is a typical conversation with someone I'm pretty comfortable around.
Person: So, howya doin'?
T: Ok.
P: How's the baby?
T: Well, she's eating better but we still have a lot of struggles. She's a really fun kid, though, so it's easy to move past the last barfing episode 'cause she's smiling at you the whole time.
P: Oh, that must be hard.
T: Yes, it is hard.
P: But, you know, it could be worse.
T: Ya? Well, why don't you just kiss my ass.
Oops. Real response:
T: Yeah, it really could be. I'm grateful she'll grow out of it and is otherwise healthy.
P: How's it being a mom of 2?
T: Kicking my trash.
P: Gosh. I bet. You know, my mom had 56 kids and sewed all of our clothes and made our baby food from scratch. We were all home schooled, too.
T: Well, your mom was clearly on crack. And, it is now glaringly obvious why you are so freakin' screwed up.
Oh, sorry. Here's what I said:
T: Yeah, I don't know how some moms do it. That must have been great.
What the hay people?!? When someone tells you they are having a tough time, the last thing they want to hear is how gracefully other people suffered through worse. The only time people pretend to appreciate that crap in on Pioneer Day.
I had someone, who I consider pretty close to our family, tell me "Well, in terms of your difficulties, you're pretty average you know."
Well, thanks a lot Mr. Sensitivity. That may be the case. MAY. I personally think my babies are little more difficult than average. Having 3 miscarriages, not average. Hello...that's why I'm a high risk pregnancy and not a normal one. Duuuuhhh. Anyways. Whether or not I have it worse than Joe Schmoe or St. Perfect down the street is a mute point. I'm still having a tough time.
I don't love mommy duties. I don't love being at home all day. It's a responsibility I do to the best of my abilities, with love, because I have chosen that path. I don't like it right now. I often dream of being elsewhere. My bosses are demanding, fickle, whiney, inconsistent, and they poop their pants for goodness sakes.
I only have 2 kids. They may be really good kids. Molly the exceptional Mormon down the street might have 5 kids who all have ADHD and dyslexia. Does that change my situation? NO. STILL HARD FOR ME.
Polly the perfectionist might have a husband who's job sucks, with a kid in a wheelchair, and be 3,000 lbs. overweight. Does that change my situation? NO. STILL HARD FOR ME.
I really, really, really don't want the only reason I'm grateful for my life to be because someone else's life sucks it up. I'm trying to be grateful for my life because it's a good life, HF has heard me and answers my prayers, I achieve what I set out to, and I find peace in the gospel. Not because Johnny Joy had his leg amputated and smiled as he wheeled himself home the next day. (Do I need to buy any one's love yet?)
It's my truth. I'm struggling with 2 kids. I don't mind sayin' it. My youngest projectile vomits her $50-a-can formula all over my already trashed carpet at least 4 or 5 times a week, hates to eat, and can't poop on her own. That's like $2 every time she pukes, by the way. My oldest won't piss on the pot, wears her underwear on the outside, doesn't sleep, and trashes my house. I'm sure she's just like every other 3 year old. Did I mention I don't really like 3 year old people? When I tell you about it, it's because you asked about my life. Or you read my blog and I can't be held responsible for that. It's my life. Not bad, not good. I'm not complaining. It just is.
I know my life is richly blessed. I'm healthy, Allen has a great job, Lexi is adorable and insanely smart, and Addie is a miracle baby that is supposed to be part of our family - barf and all. I have a nice home that will be fantastic when we get done. I have a decent brain, good parents, family I get along with most of the time, an education, great life experiences, great friends. Yeah, I know.
Being a mom is still hard.
What? What is that you say? You know? You were a mom too? You had it worse? This is how you earn your stripes? I get that, but do we always have to say that to one another. I'm guilty, too, I know. Here's an example:
My great friend had a girl about 3 months after we had Lexi. This was her second child. One day, I called (or she called me, who knows) to see how things were going:
T: Hey there! How are you?
J: Oh. We're great. (She's always so optimistic.) D is awesome. He's a great big brother. L is a great baby.
T: I'm going to die. (Did I mention I only had one kid at this point and she is now trying to adjust to 2?)
J: I know. It's so hard. Plus, Lexi was so sick.
T: Yeah. We didn't even get to hold her for 8 days. She has reflux. I have no friends or family here. It's hard. I didn't think it would be like this. So, enough of that. Give me the dirt on delivery.
J: Well, it was much better than the first time. But, L started looking like a pumpkin a few days later so we had to go back to the hospital for 3 days to stay under the bili-lights. It was awful. She would be crying and I couldn't' hold her because she had to stay under there. I could only take her out to nurse her. I just sat there and felt awful.
T: YEAH. TRY NOT HOLDING HER AT ALL FOR THE FIRST 8 DAYS AND THEN LEAVING HER THERE FOR 5 WEEKS YA BIG WIMP!
I didn't say that. No. I knew it sucked. I'd lived it - times a lot.
T: I know, it's awful. I'm so sorry.
Now, I'm not perfect. Far from it. But would it have really helped to tell my poor friend who had never had her kid in a hospital except when they were born, that she should get tough? Did my experience negate her experience? No way. My experience simply offered me a chance to be a better friend.
I think that sentence right there is the key: one experience does not negate another experience. What may be easy for one, may be the ultimate test for another. We are not created equal. Why do we always feel the need to keep reminding each other of that simple fact? Can't we just support our friends and family? (Unless they are totally and completely out of touch and whine about everything and aren't grateful for anything and then you can choose not to be that person's friend anymore or verbally bash them until they are nothing more than a puddle of ooze at your feet. If you try and tell me that I'm that person, I'm gonna reach out and touch you, though.)
As of late, when I explain how I feel and what my life is like currently, I get a lot of information back. I'm sure its for my use. Never mind if I was just venting or talking or being alive. Anyhow...this is a typical conversation with someone I'm pretty comfortable around.
Person: So, howya doin'?
T: Ok.
P: How's the baby?
T: Well, she's eating better but we still have a lot of struggles. She's a really fun kid, though, so it's easy to move past the last barfing episode 'cause she's smiling at you the whole time.
P: Oh, that must be hard.
T: Yes, it is hard.
P: But, you know, it could be worse.
T: Ya? Well, why don't you just kiss my ass.
Oops. Real response:
T: Yeah, it really could be. I'm grateful she'll grow out of it and is otherwise healthy.
P: How's it being a mom of 2?
T: Kicking my trash.
P: Gosh. I bet. You know, my mom had 56 kids and sewed all of our clothes and made our baby food from scratch. We were all home schooled, too.
T: Well, your mom was clearly on crack. And, it is now glaringly obvious why you are so freakin' screwed up.
Oh, sorry. Here's what I said:
T: Yeah, I don't know how some moms do it. That must have been great.
What the hay people?!? When someone tells you they are having a tough time, the last thing they want to hear is how gracefully other people suffered through worse. The only time people pretend to appreciate that crap in on Pioneer Day.
I had someone, who I consider pretty close to our family, tell me "Well, in terms of your difficulties, you're pretty average you know."
Well, thanks a lot Mr. Sensitivity. That may be the case. MAY. I personally think my babies are little more difficult than average. Having 3 miscarriages, not average. Hello...that's why I'm a high risk pregnancy and not a normal one. Duuuuhhh. Anyways. Whether or not I have it worse than Joe Schmoe or St. Perfect down the street is a mute point. I'm still having a tough time.
I don't love mommy duties. I don't love being at home all day. It's a responsibility I do to the best of my abilities, with love, because I have chosen that path. I don't like it right now. I often dream of being elsewhere. My bosses are demanding, fickle, whiney, inconsistent, and they poop their pants for goodness sakes.
I only have 2 kids. They may be really good kids. Molly the exceptional Mormon down the street might have 5 kids who all have ADHD and dyslexia. Does that change my situation? NO. STILL HARD FOR ME.
Polly the perfectionist might have a husband who's job sucks, with a kid in a wheelchair, and be 3,000 lbs. overweight. Does that change my situation? NO. STILL HARD FOR ME.
I really, really, really don't want the only reason I'm grateful for my life to be because someone else's life sucks it up. I'm trying to be grateful for my life because it's a good life, HF has heard me and answers my prayers, I achieve what I set out to, and I find peace in the gospel. Not because Johnny Joy had his leg amputated and smiled as he wheeled himself home the next day. (Do I need to buy any one's love yet?)
It's my truth. I'm struggling with 2 kids. I don't mind sayin' it. My youngest projectile vomits her $50-a-can formula all over my already trashed carpet at least 4 or 5 times a week, hates to eat, and can't poop on her own. That's like $2 every time she pukes, by the way. My oldest won't piss on the pot, wears her underwear on the outside, doesn't sleep, and trashes my house. I'm sure she's just like every other 3 year old. Did I mention I don't really like 3 year old people? When I tell you about it, it's because you asked about my life. Or you read my blog and I can't be held responsible for that. It's my life. Not bad, not good. I'm not complaining. It just is.
I know my life is richly blessed. I'm healthy, Allen has a great job, Lexi is adorable and insanely smart, and Addie is a miracle baby that is supposed to be part of our family - barf and all. I have a nice home that will be fantastic when we get done. I have a decent brain, good parents, family I get along with most of the time, an education, great life experiences, great friends. Yeah, I know.
Being a mom is still hard.
What? What is that you say? You know? You were a mom too? You had it worse? This is how you earn your stripes? I get that, but do we always have to say that to one another. I'm guilty, too, I know. Here's an example:
My great friend had a girl about 3 months after we had Lexi. This was her second child. One day, I called (or she called me, who knows) to see how things were going:
T: Hey there! How are you?
J: Oh. We're great. (She's always so optimistic.) D is awesome. He's a great big brother. L is a great baby.
T: I'm going to die. (Did I mention I only had one kid at this point and she is now trying to adjust to 2?)
J: I know. It's so hard. Plus, Lexi was so sick.
T: Yeah. We didn't even get to hold her for 8 days. She has reflux. I have no friends or family here. It's hard. I didn't think it would be like this. So, enough of that. Give me the dirt on delivery.
J: Well, it was much better than the first time. But, L started looking like a pumpkin a few days later so we had to go back to the hospital for 3 days to stay under the bili-lights. It was awful. She would be crying and I couldn't' hold her because she had to stay under there. I could only take her out to nurse her. I just sat there and felt awful.
T: YEAH. TRY NOT HOLDING HER AT ALL FOR THE FIRST 8 DAYS AND THEN LEAVING HER THERE FOR 5 WEEKS YA BIG WIMP!
I didn't say that. No. I knew it sucked. I'd lived it - times a lot.
T: I know, it's awful. I'm so sorry.
Now, I'm not perfect. Far from it. But would it have really helped to tell my poor friend who had never had her kid in a hospital except when they were born, that she should get tough? Did my experience negate her experience? No way. My experience simply offered me a chance to be a better friend.
I think that sentence right there is the key: one experience does not negate another experience. What may be easy for one, may be the ultimate test for another. We are not created equal. Why do we always feel the need to keep reminding each other of that simple fact? Can't we just support our friends and family? (Unless they are totally and completely out of touch and whine about everything and aren't grateful for anything and then you can choose not to be that person's friend anymore or verbally bash them until they are nothing more than a puddle of ooze at your feet. If you try and tell me that I'm that person, I'm gonna reach out and touch you, though.)
Divine Nature Value Experience #1
Read Proclamation to the Family, 2 Peter 1, Alma 7: 23-24 and Doctrine and Covenants 121:45 and list the divine qualities of a daughter of God. Think about how you can discover and develop each of these qualities. Record your ideas in your journal.
Divine Qualities of a Daughter of God:
I can clearly see how each of these attributes make a well-rounded daughter of God. Most people think of their mom and good friends as a nurturer, caregiver, empathetic person, service driven, loving safe place to go when the world is rough. Becoming all of those things is quite the challenge. I contend that you will most likely never be all of these things all of the time in this lifetime. But, we can certainly practice trying to be as many of them as we can at any one time. I figure if you can manage to be even just a few of these things in this nasty world, even for a moment, you have blessed your life and the lives of those you touch.
The blessings that can come from a sustained effort to have these qualities are many. You don't have to be a genius to see that a home where a mom is kind, patient, quick to help, speaks softly, and gives unconditional love is one that is stable with happy children and a happy husband. People who exhibit these traits make friends easily, keep those friends and enrich the lives of those friends. We all know people like that. The kind of people that are just nice to be around. (Now, don't go to thinking that just because I know the value of these things means I'm living these things perfectly.)
So, the magic question is: how? The magic answer: hard work. Couple that with prayer and discipline (read: conquer the natural man) and you will find that it becomes easier and easier to have these qualities as part of who you are. If you do it enough, it will no longer seem like you are just doing the action because you need to. You will become those traits. Just as with less favorable traits and habits, eventually they will define you if you do them long enough. If you do something good and worthwhile long enough, you will become that good thing. It will define you.
As with many of the challenges of the gospel the key to achieving your goals is very simple (in theory). Just do it.
I will add, lastly, that I don't think you have to lose yourself in order to add these qualities to your persona. I'm a sarcastic, pessimistic, honest-to-a-fault, don't-mince-my-words kinda gal. Kind of like a female version of Simon Cowl. I will always have veins of those traits as part of who I am. Those things define me. But, I know I can be more divine in the way I behave and ultimately, how I feel. I do believe, that I can keep some parts of me and add unto them. I do also believe, for example, that you cannot simultaneously be pessimistic and exhibit faith and hope. They just don't go together. Such is the case for many of these traits. You cannot serve two masters. So, the goal here would be to eventually replace the pessimism with more faith and hope. You are simply choosing the better part. I do think you can do this while maintaining yourself. Obviously, we are each unique and loved for our special personalities, talents and traits. Heavenly Father wouldn't want us to all be exactly alike. But, as with many of the habits of happy, eternity bound folks, there are common things we should do. Just because something is popular, doesn't mean it's bad. If you know a lot of people who are happy, would you be miserable just to be different? I think not. You can be happy and still be an individual. This philosophy can apply to much about life and living the gospel. Be who you are, but embrace the habits, qualities, traits, and standards that our Heavenly Father has outlined for us - for those are the things that will bring us true joy. It will be hard. It will be frustrating. We may not master them with perfection. But, you still gotta do it. So: just do it.
Divine Qualities of a Daughter of God:
- escape corruption due to lust
- virtue
- knowledge
- faith
- brotherly kindness
- charity
- humble
- submissive and gentle
- temperate
- diligent
- pray for the things you need
- give thanks to God
- hope
- abound in good works
- full of patience and long suffering - this also pertains to my thoughts about "spiritual impressions" of convenience v. actual impressions of the Spirit for our own good (there will be another post coming shortly on this touchy topic)
- let virtue garnish they thoughts unceasingly (then you can be confident in the presence of God and the priesthood shall distill upon they soul as the dews from heaven) Ponder the word dew. What are the characteristics of dew? What is its purpose? How does it make you feel to walk out and see the greenery on a dewy morning?
I can clearly see how each of these attributes make a well-rounded daughter of God. Most people think of their mom and good friends as a nurturer, caregiver, empathetic person, service driven, loving safe place to go when the world is rough. Becoming all of those things is quite the challenge. I contend that you will most likely never be all of these things all of the time in this lifetime. But, we can certainly practice trying to be as many of them as we can at any one time. I figure if you can manage to be even just a few of these things in this nasty world, even for a moment, you have blessed your life and the lives of those you touch.
The blessings that can come from a sustained effort to have these qualities are many. You don't have to be a genius to see that a home where a mom is kind, patient, quick to help, speaks softly, and gives unconditional love is one that is stable with happy children and a happy husband. People who exhibit these traits make friends easily, keep those friends and enrich the lives of those friends. We all know people like that. The kind of people that are just nice to be around. (Now, don't go to thinking that just because I know the value of these things means I'm living these things perfectly.)
So, the magic question is: how? The magic answer: hard work. Couple that with prayer and discipline (read: conquer the natural man) and you will find that it becomes easier and easier to have these qualities as part of who you are. If you do it enough, it will no longer seem like you are just doing the action because you need to. You will become those traits. Just as with less favorable traits and habits, eventually they will define you if you do them long enough. If you do something good and worthwhile long enough, you will become that good thing. It will define you.
As with many of the challenges of the gospel the key to achieving your goals is very simple (in theory). Just do it.
I will add, lastly, that I don't think you have to lose yourself in order to add these qualities to your persona. I'm a sarcastic, pessimistic, honest-to-a-fault, don't-mince-my-words kinda gal. Kind of like a female version of Simon Cowl. I will always have veins of those traits as part of who I am. Those things define me. But, I know I can be more divine in the way I behave and ultimately, how I feel. I do believe, that I can keep some parts of me and add unto them. I do also believe, for example, that you cannot simultaneously be pessimistic and exhibit faith and hope. They just don't go together. Such is the case for many of these traits. You cannot serve two masters. So, the goal here would be to eventually replace the pessimism with more faith and hope. You are simply choosing the better part. I do think you can do this while maintaining yourself. Obviously, we are each unique and loved for our special personalities, talents and traits. Heavenly Father wouldn't want us to all be exactly alike. But, as with many of the habits of happy, eternity bound folks, there are common things we should do. Just because something is popular, doesn't mean it's bad. If you know a lot of people who are happy, would you be miserable just to be different? I think not. You can be happy and still be an individual. This philosophy can apply to much about life and living the gospel. Be who you are, but embrace the habits, qualities, traits, and standards that our Heavenly Father has outlined for us - for those are the things that will bring us true joy. It will be hard. It will be frustrating. We may not master them with perfection. But, you still gotta do it. So: just do it.
4.01.2009
Quiet Time? Yeah, Right.
Everyday, Lexi has quiet time. She rarely naps, but will play in her room. She comes out, oh, 65 times during her hour "quiet time" to see if it's over but we try every day anyways. Today, I heard her shut her door and about 5 minutes later, she came out proudly displaying her creativity.
When I told her, "Lexi, it's still quiet time..." this is what happened...
Since it was so close to the end of quiet time, I told her to come out so I could braid her hair. It was the firs time ever and she loved it. She asked me to take some pictures (notice she still has her big girl underwear on) and then said, "Thank you Mom!"
When I told her, "Lexi, it's still quiet time..." this is what happened...Since it was so close to the end of quiet time, I told her to come out so I could braid her hair. It was the firs time ever and she loved it. She asked me to take some pictures (notice she still has her big girl underwear on) and then said, "Thank you Mom!"3.30.2009
Going the Distance
Addie's worst feed of the day is the first. She usually eats around 3:30 or 4:30 a.m. and then wakes around 7:30 a.m. Most kids are ravenous after going so many hours with out eating. Not Addie. I think she could probably go another 2 hours before she would get hungry on her own. I give her Prevacid at 7:30 and she eats at 8. She usually fights me quite a bit. She cries, pulls back, kicks, pushes the bottle out with her tongue, shakes her head like she's telling me "NO!" and will often vomit.
Per the speech therapist and GI doc's advice, I try every morning at 8 a.m. to help maintain a schedule (we have no choice with all of the medicine we're giving her, too) and to try and get something down her to start the day and keep her thriving. If we're having a good day, I can get about 2 oz. in her.
This morning she wanted nothing to do with her bottle. After some fighting, she started to eat. But, about an ounce into it, she slowed way, way down and I could tell it was coming. WOOSH! Up came what she had left from her middle of the night feed and the ounce she had just eaten. Just for s & g, I actually measured it
Per the speech therapist and GI doc's advice, I try every morning at 8 a.m. to help maintain a schedule (we have no choice with all of the medicine we're giving her, too) and to try and get something down her to start the day and keep her thriving. If we're having a good day, I can get about 2 oz. in her.
This morning she wanted nothing to do with her bottle. After some fighting, she started to eat. But, about an ounce into it, she slowed way, way down and I could tell it was coming. WOOSH! Up came what she had left from her middle of the night feed and the ounce she had just eaten. Just for s & g, I actually measured it
I put the pink ball down mark her "greatest distance". It's like the shot put, but with barf instead of the ball.
Here, I used the bottle because it seemed like the pink ball wasn't showing up too great.
From where we were sitting to the farthest "point of contact" was 4 feet!
That is right. No joke. This happens about 3 or 4 days a week. After each "event" I steam clean the carpet to avoid the awful smell of her partially-digested-but-smells-like-vomit-even-before-you-eat-it formula. I cannot wait until this is done and over with.
This Weekend
The weather was nice for a few days so we got a start on our 2009 work schedule. Yes, we have another schedule. We have a lot of stuff to do to this place, man!
Up first: the side fence for the backyard. It will look like the back fence, but we'll be painting them both (and all other border fences) a rusted brown color instead of the silver.
This time, the fencing, went so much faster than our first attempt last year. Allen even took Lexi out with him. She had a great time playing in the trailer while Allen worked. She asked him, "Daddy? You wanna come in here and sit with me?" every 5 minutes or so. She found the pots and pans and was "cooking" for us. While Addie was down, I went out to try and help a little bit. .
We got quite a bit done for just one day of work. Allen dug all 8 post holes by hand (they are 3 feet deep), put in 5 of those posts with cement, and put the top rail on the first 2 posts. We think he'll be able to get the fence done with just 2 more full days of work.
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This year we are taking it a little different. We have decided to work 1/2 days at a time when possible. That is way more realistic considering that taking care of the girls' needs often takes a 1/2 day on its own. Now that Lexi is a little older and plays on her own so much better, it is a lot easier for her to be outside while we work, too. We have a lot of improvements planned for this year including: finishing the side fence, planting 6 fruit trees (that includes removing dirt from where they go, roto-tilling the existing dirt, leveling and putting down weed barrier), planting the garden and building a garden fence, putting up the front fence by the swing set, installing a new front door (which will be its own saga, we're sure), installing a new security screen over the front door, installing a new laundry room/garage door, building and hanging 2 paddock gates, running the sprinkler lines to the front yard, and building the shed to house the sprinkler timer and Allen's tools. We have through the summer planned out by the weekend. Wish us luck...
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About Me
- Riddlez
- What started as a way to communicate with far away friends and family has become a place for this horse trainer/HR manager turned stay at home mom of 3 girls to hold on to a bit of her own identity. It's my take on the ins and outs, the ups and downs, the thoughts and feelings, the mistakes and triumphs of this family as we bumble our way to eternity.