Truth In Reporting

Every good reporter tells both sides of the story.

As such, I feel an obligation to report on both my weight loss successes and set-backs.

Because of the pregnancy, I had to go off of the Medifast 5-1 program and do a speed-entry into the maintenance program.

I did great!

I gained 1 oz. in a month's time. That's ONE OUNCE! I was so happy with my ability to add food back in a healthy way. I also added more exercise and it felt so good to move with 59 fewer pounds on my frame.

I also found that I had zero desire for crap food. Because the 5-1 plan keeps you away from fruit, I discovered that when I added fruit back, it covered all of my sweet cravings. I felt totally satisfied.

When started having physical symptoms of the miscarriage, I ended up in bed. And we went into survival mode. I ate whatever they were eating. It wasn't too bad because it was only one meal a day.

I knew my time on maintenance was coming to an end. I knew I would be jumping back on the 5-1 plan as soon as I was done with surgery. And I decided I was going to eat whatever the hell I wanted in the time between. Like, my last hurrah.

Oh man, did I eat. I ate McDonalds. I ate In and Out. I ate Taco Bell. There was pizza and we made a cake and I ate a piece. I ate movie theater popcorn at 10 at night while watching a movie (high as a kite on Percocet). I hadn't eaten those things in months!

I anticipated allowing my self this complete freedom for 3-4 days. Then, I didn't recover from surgery very well. My poor family was stuck in survival mode. I didn't keep eating as bad, but I wasn't ready to go back to the 5-1 plan like I had anticipated. I ate mac and cheese one night. And I ate oven baked chicken nuggets with a little rice for dinner the next. And I had sandwiches, without cheese, for lunch. And those things may not add tons of weight, but they certainly don't take it off. Oh, and we may have have had Cinnabon cinnamon rolls all day for breakfast Sunday.

I've gained 7 lbs. as of this morning. Deep, collective sigh. It goes on so easy. Just as easy as fries and tacos and frosting goes down.

So, instead of 16 to goal, it's gonna be 23.

I'm a little sad. And remorseful. I'm mostly self conscious. Like, everywhere we go, people must be whispering "ooooh. I knew she'd get fat again. Ooooh. She must be taking it hard. Oooh. Her pants are a little tight, aren't they?"

But, let me tell you why I'm not crying myself to sleep at night:

1. During and after our miscarriage, I had ZERO desire to eat my feelings. I didn't eat those foods because I was sad or mad or anything. I made a deliberate choice to eat my guiltiest pleasures for the sake of tasting the pleasures. That, my friends, is the most liberating feeling on the planet. I know food DOES NOT own me anymore.

2. I know I can lose it. I'm not overwhelmed by the idea. Sure, it'll extend my time on the 5-1 by about two weeks. I've done the 5-1 plan. It works and I know how to work it.

3. I've still lost 52 pounds. That is still an accomplishment.

4. I know I can do maintenance and not get fat again! I, with quite a bit of ease, kept my weight consistent for a month. I was so worried about that and now I have no fears about my future.

5. I lost a baby for hell's sake. Like feeling bad about 7 pounds is going to make this time any easier. Pssssht. Allen and I have come so far in our processing of this stuff and we are doing so good, I'm not going to stop our moving forward over something that is so easy to fix.

To be honest, I haven't gotten up the nerve to start the 5-1 plan just yet. Well, that's not totally true. The Monday after surgery, I tried but I wasn't near ready and I had some complications from the procedure. I chose to delay my start in favor of getting back to raising my family and back to normal. The first few days are pretty tough as you go through the sugar and carb withdrawals. My plan is to start Monday. Allen is gone all weekend and we're not going to be home so I think I'd be setting myself for only 1/2 success if I start, say, tomorrow.

I am eating much, much better. I'm back to maintenance and feeling way better. I will admit, I got really sick Sunday. I think my body had to get rid of all the yuck I put in it. I felt horrible when I was eating all that crap, too. And my body shape changed. I notice that with the 5-1 plan, too. When I eat good food, my body shape changes. I've had weekends where I eat some junk and don't gain any weight but my body changes even in those few days. As soon as I start putting good stuff in, my stomach and face look much less bloated. It is possible to lose weight while still sneaking crap. If you really want to see your body change the way it looks, start putting good stuff in. I promise, it will.

{stepping down off of soapbox}

I did take some pictures, but they are terrible. My mirrors are so dirty with fingerprints you can't really see. I'm gonna post them anyways. If you squint you can sorta see where I'm at as of today.

I'm not proud of myself. I should have metered my food choices. I could have eaten a Medifast bar instead of a cookie. I could have kept my water intake up instead of drinking Diet Pepsi. I could have done that. And I didn't. And I have to pay for it now with a little extra work.

I will return and report.