The Tin Man

What did we do today? I'll give you three guesses. No, not go the spa. No, not plan a date. Nope, not even hang out as a family. We worked in the yard!

I'm sure that comes as a surprise to you all (read: heavy sarcasm). Allen painted the fence. It looks great! Lexi and I played "box" which is the sand box Nanna Case made for Lexi. She loves it and will even play by herself without getting into trouble. Hallelujah!

I got some good pics of Allen and wanted to put them up quick. We're off to spend money (yeah!) and get some more supplies. The barn should be almost complete by tomorrow night. I'll put more photos up this weekend.

Tonight is also the big roadshow. I'll certainly let you know how that goes!

Can you hear me now?

Have any of you seen that commercial where the mom is invisible? She makes her way around her home doing the normal stuff, but you can' see her, just the results of her labors? Well, I think it's so spot on.

I feel like I'm ignored by just about everyone I come in contact with these days. I spend all day asking Lexi over and over and over and over to do certain things, Allen listens to me about, oh, 1% of the time and my Young Women are all over the place. I finally go so frustrated that I put the YW in charge of themselves last night. HA!

There is a roadshow on Friday and they are in charge of creating a 5-7 minute skit adapting a story from the Book of Mormon into a modern day lesson. Last week we brainstormed and they were so rude I could hardly hear what they were trying to tell me. So yesterday, I gave them a rough outline of what they should have accomplished by the end of the night and put the two loud mouths in charge. Of course, we adults supervised. At one point, one of the other leaders came up to me and said, "This is sooo stressful." I told her I was sick of being the bad guy and yelling all the time and it was exactly what I wanted for the kids.

They got nothing done. They argued, went around in circles, broke off into groups, came back again, huffed, and then quit. I gave them 5 minutes to get it together. They sort of got some people organized and then we said closing prayer. Their skit idea is fantastic. If they can learn how to work together long enough to get something worked out, they have a really good chance of winning. I heard some muttering about "if only people would listen!". Aahh, to learn the lesson by doing is sometimes far more significant than simply being taught. I felt much better having taught them that way than coming in and knocking their heads around. Now...what to do about everyone else in my life that ignores me.....

Do you see what I see?

A stall, a stall, a stall in our barn!

We actually made some progress that is visible. One stall is completely installed. The other is about half way done. Allen and I worked all day Saturday to get the work done. Of course, we had to disassemble the already assembled stalls in order to make them work for our barn. Of course, we did everything, like, twice because we had never done it before. But, after lots of tugging and pulling, we have a stall in. We fit the mats and got the feeder in too. We are feeling really good about the way everything turned out.

We have to finish the remaining stall, dull the metal on the exit door, put up a border on the pro panel around the exit door, put on an exit door, and put up the paddocks to get it ready for a horse to actually go inside. So, there remains quite a bit for us to do.

On to family related stuff...Lexi loves to be naked. I changed her clothes one day and she ran off in her diaper. I came out about two seconds later and she's totally naked. I got a quick picture, but she ran up against the couch so you can only see her crazy morning hair.

The week has been pretty status quo. We were pretty worried about our nephew, Ben, since he suffered a fever related seizure again. Allen's family does have a history of seizures so I am always sensitive to them and probably over concerned. Seizures are common in youngsters with rapid onset of fever, but it is still really scary, no matter what your history. Other than that, we've worked in the yard a lot, Lexi had a playdate. Nanna Case and Lexi have enjoyed some walks, and I went to a horse show on Saturday for a bit (with Nanna and Lexi). The wind was so awful that we left pretty quick, though.

As I've looked at my calendar for the next few months, I see that every other week, I have a Young Women's obligation. I spend every Wednesday night at mutual activities, chaperone dances once (and sometimes twice) a month - thankfully, I have great counselors so we do try to rotate this job-, go on a Temple trip once a month, go to Ward Council once a month, go to BYC once a month, camp clinics once a month, my own presidency meetings once a month and about every two weeks, another random activity for the youth. That's a lot of time with the youth, if you ask me. I have boycotted a bit by not attending some other activities and what I consider to be unnecessary meetings. I know keeping the kids busy with good stuff is important, but every time you schedule a child, you schedule the family. With my call as President, I do have to show up for certain things and can't send someone else. I am trying to figure out how to fulfill my calling (that I really love) without getting burned. Any advice? I'm sure this will not be the last time in my life I feel over scheduled so I better figure it out, huh?

Our little songbird

Saturday was a service oriented day for us. I had a girl's camp clinic in the morning and we took our trailer over to the Roger's for their family to use in the afternoon. Allen also helped Ben put in a new toilet. FUN!

We got back late and LaNell was nice enough to let us go outside and do a little bit in the barn. Lexi played outside and loved it! She's learning how to climb and made her way onto the flatbed trailer quite easily. She's mastered getting up on the couch by herself too. I knew the day was coming, but had hoped it would be later. I'm sure she'll be doing backflips out of her crib soon, too. I dread putting her into a bed! There are two reasons 1) I like sleep and I'm sure she'll be up and down and up and down and up and down for a while and 2) It really freaks me out to think of her staring at me while I sleep! I know she'll come in and stand like 3 inches from my face and then say,"Momma" and I'll wake up to this face in my face and I don't like the thought of it. Little weirdo! I know all kids do it, but it still creeps me out.

We went to church on Sunday. This shouldn't sound like something out of the ordinary, but with Lexi's cough, my injury, Allen's cold, etc, etc, we haven't been as a total family for a while. Anyhow, part way through Sacrament meeting, she opens the hymn book and says, "Laaaa, laaaa, laaaaaaaaa!" I guess that's her way of singing. We got a good laugh out of it.

LaNell leaves tomorrow and Nanna Case comes in on Wednesday to visit for a week. I'm sure it will be a blast after all of the help is gone and she looks to me to cater to her every whim! Ha! I'll probably give in just to keep peace a few times, but we run a tight ship around here (yeah, right!). It has been nice to see her with G'ma and to have an extra pair of helpful hands around. Lexi loves it too. She always grows by leaps and bounds when we have people visit. So, if you're looking for a vacation and want some time away, don't come here! But, if you're up for a little chaos, some whining (by Lexi mostly), lots of weeds, smelly dogs, and yard work - we'd love to have you!

Fightin' us every step of the way

Allen spent all day working on the "barn". The more we work on it, the more we wonder if we should have just demolished the dumb thing. Allen framed up two walls to help stabilize the pro panel sides since they are totally flimsy.

In the process, he almost lost the tip of his index finger. The glove shows where the screw went through the tip and the base was almost totally torn off. His finger is bruised, but attached.

The barn was put up so poorly that Allen can't build a straight wall and put it up because the barn is so crooked. He framed up a wall and tried to put it up, but the existing wood work won't take the new wall - eventhough Allen accounted for all of that in his measurements. Need less to say, the last thing I saw was a sledge hammer, the framed up wall coming back down, and Allen saying he was done.

I still don't know if he'll go back to it tomorrow.

We're going to dinner while G'ma is here. Lexi has really enjoyed having a full time playmate. She loves Fraggle Rock and says, "R-rrr-r-rr-ock?, R-rrr-r-rr-ock?" when she wants to watch it. It kind of sounds like a car that can't quite get started.

Stay tuned for a full account of our efforts to improve this piece of property we call home.

Let's do the time warp again!

I really like Fergie's latest "Clumsy". Don't know why, but as I heard it today on the radio, I realized that if Lexi heard this song years from now, she would think of it as an "oldie". Now, my mom was pretty cool about music so I remember her dark blue Toyota Supra (sooo cool at the time) and Duran, Duran, Prince, and Wham! to name a few.

However, she would, once in a while, succumb to the draw of the local station that played the 50's, 60's or 70's. I couldn't stand listenting to the "oldies". As I think about it, she probably didn't think of those songs as old at all.

Allen and I were talking about our new home. It was built in the mid-80's. We both, almost at the same time, said "Well, it's not that old - it was built in '86". Uh, that was 22 years ago! Oh my hell!

And so the tradition carries on: In your mind, you're still at the peak of your life. You're svelt, quick, have a little hop in your step, independent, the world ahead of you. Then, you walk by the windows as you run into the grocery store and say, "I DID NOT look like that when I left the house this morning!" Suddenly, you wake up and you're almost 30. (Stop laughing, those of you who are in your 50's or later and say "You're so young still!")

So, when I can't resist and turn to the "oldies" and hear Fergie, Lexi will just have to deal. And, come to her own conclusions about who her folks really are. Cool, young, hip (or, did I just break my hip?!?) and always on the cusp of coolness.

Note: The pics above were taken in 2002 and 2003. Does anyone else notice that Brent is going to join ZZ top?

This is a test of the Riddle micromanaging system, this is only a test.

Last night, I was doing the dishes after dinner. As I went about my normal routine, I noticed I was re-arranging the things that had already been loaded in the dishwasher. How many of us do that? You know, as the grins kreep across your face that you, too, have a very specific way that you want your dishes in the dishwasher. As I continued doing this, I realized something. Why the heck would I take the time to do the work twice? Does it really matter that the lid of the tupperware is on the left side of the rack instead of the right?

Sometimes, moving stuff around is smart because it creates more room. However, to move stuff around just because it isn't where YOU think it should be is plain nuts. And, if you are moving it around it means you think it was done incorrectly which, in turn, means you are judging someone based on how they load the diswasher!

So, I invite you to ponder how you approach your dishwasher. I find it is a litmus test of sorts. If you find yourself always re-arranging the things in the dishwasher, it might be time to ease off the throttle. In the grand scheme of things, what matters is that 1. the dishes get clean and 2. that you (or me) acknowledge that someone has tried to be helpful by loading some dishes. It's counterproductive to undo the service someone has offered on your behalf. The way in which the dishes are put in the washer has a negligible impact on your life.

The dishwasher can be seen as microcosom of how you exact control over your life and others. Just something to think about.

Oh, and just so you can feel better about how your day went. When I went in to get Lexi this morning, she had disrobed, taken off her diaper and peed in her crib.

Then, a little later, she pooped in her diaper, took it off and ran around with her bottom half naked.

AWESOME!

Diagnosis: Fat

You heard it right. That was what the doc said. If I want some of the conditions I am suffering with to go away, I need to lose weight. I can't believe I paid my co-pay for that! I know that.

Really, I'm supposed to eat no more than 1500 calories a day. No weigh ins for a month. No skipping meals. If I don't know the calories, I can't eat it.

Doc's doing it, so can I! That's what she said at least.

Here's my perspective:

This will sound arrogant. I have never had to work very hard at something to be pretty good at it. I got good grades and didn't have to do much for them. I ride well and it comes easy to me. I was pretty athletic in high school and college and it wasn't that hard for me. I've never had to do something that I wasn't good at. If it didn't come easy (i.e. math), I just didn't do it.

Now, introduce reality. I have finally realized that I am going to have to keep working at stuff even if I'm not good at. I'm not a great wife sometimes. But, I'm going to have to keep working at it. I'm not always the perfect mom, doesn't mean I can quit. It's going to be the same way with this weight thing. I probably won't eat only 1500 calories everyday. Does that mean I should throw in the towl? Probably not. I'm going to have to work hard even when I don't want to. And, it isn't going to happen overnight. I'm going to have to have, what's that called? Perserverence. Ugh.

Why should I feel like I should have everything handed to me? That's pretty selfish, arrogant, spoiled, rude, and ingorant to name a few of my flaws. For example: I've had two geldings on the market for about 2 months. They haven't sold. In a rush of realization the answer came to me: I have done nothing to help them sell! I haven't really marketed them. I haven't worked at selling them. By the way - if you know of anyone wanting a nice gelding, please click on the link to Riddle Performance Horses. They do have nationwide shipping available! Why should I expect to have something for nothing? I'm actually going to have to earn my money. DUH!

Really, it has been a bit of a relief to understand something so basic, yet vital, to happiness. I do hope that life will be a little easier to stomach now that I've come to these conclusions.

KISS

The last two nights have been so terrible! First of all, I have serious insomnia. Add to that Lexi's cold, and finding sleep has been a little elusive the last few days. I can't usually fall asleep until 2 or 3 a.m. That just happens to be when Lexi wakes up miserable. Around 5 a.m., she's ready to sleep again. So, I don't get to bed until 4 or 5 a.m. Lexi gets up around 7:30 a.m. Thankfully, it's the weekend and Allen's been here to start the morning routine as I finally get some slumber.

I guess there was a meeting for those in the church who are leaders yesterday (oops) that was really good. The only reason I knew this was because we had a meeting after church today for the leaders and everyone kept mentioning this "awesome" meeting yesterday and how it really affected the participants and how they all left feeling so motivated. We (meaning the members of the church) have been "challenged" and encouraged to re-read the Book of Mormon. My response "Book of Mormon? What is this so called Book of Mormon?" This is my way of saying that I haven't cracked my scriptures open for a loooonnngg time. Of course, there is no better means by which one becomes really driven than a meeting full of people with lots of ideas of how to be more efficient, purposeful, effective, spiritual, yada, yada, yada....and usually we find only weeks later we've done none of the stuff we talked about because we made the list so unrealistic. KISS. (Keep it simple, stupid (or sweetheart if you are trying to be a better person than I am). I know that I get so busy going down the checklist of things I'm responsible for, that sometimes, the meat of the whole thing is lost. What are we really trying to do in this life?

An employer of Allen's was called to be the Bishop of his ward years ago. We were visitng one night and asked how things were going. He said, "Well, it's all work, family and church. But isn't that the way it should be?" He found that he didn't have much time for the things that weren't really that important after all. I guess I'm just reflecting on how I'd like to try and keep life managable. Try to remember what I truly value and put my time there. What are the three most important things in my life? If what I'm doing isn't in accordance to what I value, I won't ever be happy. I'll always feel like I'm coming up a bit short. Rather than walk through life feeling like something is just a little off kilter, I'm going to try to do the things that are most important to me and be satisfied with my station in life.

In loving memory

Today was pretty awful for Marti. She has been here helping me since the accident. She has been silently been working her tail to help us out and was awesome with Lexi!

She made it home safe and sound, but late this afternoon was informed that her Bitty Cat had been shot. The neighbors reported seeing a car approach, stop, and shoot him dead.

Bitty was a pretty cool cat. Now, I know there are several of you who read my blog who can't stand a cat. Some of you may have even joked about killing cats. Let me tell you that it's not normal to hunt down an animal minding its own business and kill it for fun. It's just plain senseless and cruel. Marti is totally devastated.

We will sincerely miss Bitty. We love you Marti.

G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S

Why is it that when you say, "We're pregnant!" People say, "Congratulations!" rather than sitting down and sobbing their hearts out in empathy?

Lexi is sick as a dog. She was running a pretty steady fever yesterday, but has since broken that. I actually got advice to put 1/4 cup white vinegar in her bath water and that would help. What do I have to lose? So, Marti put the vinegar in there and Lexi has no temp today. Causation or correlation? Do I really care? The fever is gone.

Lexi looks about as good as I do today. My hair is sticking up everywhere, my shirt has stains on it, my bottoms have stretched out past the point of being "Oh, those are cute, where did you get them?" to "Um, it looks like you have a load back there", I don't remember if I even brushed my teeth and I'm pretty sure I have patches of dry skin all over my face. I made us lunch at 2 (after her attempt to nap which only resulted in a lot of crying and hacking) and am just now (4:27) eating the cold "yellow death" (macaroni and cheese) as we call it. As, the post title suggests, I'm at the height of glamour.

She's starving, but cries everytime I try to feed her. She cries when I suggest putting on clothes, cries when I ask if she wants her hair done, and then gets even more upset when I do what she's asked and leave her alone. She's miserable. Of course, they don't make Baby Nyquil so we give her Benadryl and sometimes it seems to help and others, I think, we just give it to her because it makes us feel like we may sleep through the night.

So, when you call me and say, "We're pregnant" the silence you'll hear is really me trying not to sob too loudly. Love ya!

Ammendment: I realized after reading and thinking about my own expression of feeling with this post that I sound really negative. After pondering what I was really feeling, I came up with this (back peddling, maybe but true none-the-less):

Watching a child suffer as Lexi has is probably the most awful part of being a parent. It is heart wrenching and frustrating. Parenting is hard. Loving and rearing a child takes you to the gates of heaven and to the slums of hell. However, it demands that you feel. You can't be indifferent and really be a parent. I love Lexi and will probably check on her every hour to make sure she is comfortable and resting. So, I'm not the ogre I pretend to be, at least not intentionally.

WHAT?!?

If you've gained weight since your prime (high school, wedding day, last weigh in with WW, whatever), raise your hand. If you eat fast food even though it was invented by a man or Satan, raise your hand. If you've been told you probably have congestive heart failure, raise your hand. Oh, I'm the only one with my hand still up.

You heard right. Now, I don't want to be an alarmist so don't go crazy with comments, but it looks like that might be what is wrong with me now. This is coming from an uncomfirmed source so I could be way over-reacting, but it has been suggested by a few people lately when I explain to them what has happened with my body over the last month.

About 3 weeks ago two things happened. One, I started snoring terribly. We blamed it on the awesome sleep number bed we bought. Two, my hands and feet starting swelling something wicked. Like, in the hospital and 8 months pregnant and on an IV swelling. When I try to, for example, tweeze my eyebrows, my hand cramps. I can't grip things the way I used to. I find myself opening and closing my hands over and over to relieve the pain. My feet have swelled so bad that I can't put on my shoes. No, I am not over exaggerating. It was rapid and sudden onset and has not gotten any better with time. These are the possible reasons: rheumatoid arthritis, fibromayalgia, kindey failure and congestive heart failure. I had my kidneys tested when I ended up in the ER. They are doing the best they can. Fibro is unlikley because the swelling is so isolated and typically (correct me here LaNell) in more than just 2 places. It could be RA. I had an appointment scheduled for the day I got hurt so I have to make another pretty quick to get to the bottom of this.

So, I go get some reflexology done on my hands and feet and am telling the message therapist about the swelling and she says, "Have you started snoring recently?" Acutally, I have. Turns out those are two really common symptoms of congestive heart failure. I still have to get this all confirmed so it could be something way less scary sounding.

You know, I can see myself in the mirror so let's not pretend that I'm in the best shape of my life. BUT, I know people who are way worse off and their heart doesn't just up and fail them at 28 years old.

As I have a conversation with myself I realize I have two viable options: 1)Get heavy enough to have Gastric Bypass and lose weight that way. But, since I hate barfing and having paid attention Brent's efforts, I'm not up for that or 2) Make an effort to be healthy, excercise, and make sacrifices like everyone whose heart is still beating does. So, once I can (sorry for the nitty gritty details you're about to read) put a bra back on and shower by myself, I'll be hitting the pavement to try and stop my heart from quitting me. I'm sure most of my ailments are weight related. I don't want to hear any "I told you so's" either. And yes, I LOVE McDonalds. It is my comfort food. I've needed some serious comfort over the last few months. I guess I'm going to have to dig deep and find solace elsewhere. I do wish they could put me into a rehab program where they put you in an induced coma during the withdrawl period 'cause I can tell you right now: It ain't gonna be pretty.

Bad timing, too, since Cadbury eggs only come out once a year and it's now. I tell ya, HF still has it on Comedy Central and I'm sweatin' under those lights. Ugh. (No pictures this time since I really don't want to put a bad picture of myself or a rotten heart up.)

Coasting

Since my accident, I've been laying pretty low. I have to say that Allen and Marti have been awesome. Allen stayed home from work for almost a week. Marti came last Friday and has been going non stop. She is so good with Lexi. She wakes up with her, plays with her, takes her outside and on car rides. She feeds her (not an easy task), does her hair, and dances with her. And, she has maintained a pretty good attitude, even when Lexi is having a meltdown. She doesn't even get mad at me for coming out to tell people what to do and then running back in my room. I envision myself as one of those arcade games where the gopher pops up and you have, like, 2 seconds to hit it on the head with an obscenly large mallet. I am the gopher.

I haven't had any huge spiritual awakenings. I think there are two reasons for this: I got slapped pretty hard last week and God is giving me some time to heal before the next big lesson, and I was on so may pain killers any effort on God's part to get in touch with me would have been useless. I know I've talked to people, but don't have a clue what I said. Right now things are, as I like to say, "Coasting". We're not making any huge efforts to be perfect, we're just trying to be alive and minimize the frustration, sadness, loss, anger, or whatever for a little while.

Marti took some photos of Lexi and I'm posting because she is so dang cute.
Catch ya on the flip side!
p.s. I'm still being rejected by Spell Check so be kind.

Finding humor in life

I was outside this morning moving the horses around and realized that my custom facility is within reach. I had such a feeling of victory. I started thinking about all of the colts I'd take this spring and all of the clients I sent home can come back. How people would say, "Oh, this is great!" Easy to use, safe, has asthetic appeal, etc....

And then I realize the cruel irony. I have everything I need out there, but I can't even use it. I'm still so uncomfortable and is so much pain I couldn't even get a saddle up on a horse, let alone ride one. Let's not forget the whole prompting issue. I could probably move forward with the horses and if really lucky, avoid serous injury. But I really don't want to go down in history as just another Martin Harris.

My heathen feelings are this: Heavenly Father is enyoing his own private stand up comedy show with me as the main act.

The Man In the Iron Mask

You know, 'cause his welding mask makes him look like the guy in the movie...

So, Allen is a machine. He has the house side of the arena (this also serves as the back yard fence) done. It looks awesome. He did not want to do the work, but knew it would help ease my mind. I offically have an arena with boundaries. The horses are out and they are so happy not to be in a 12x12 stall. The whole idea was to leave them in there temporarily - about 2 weeks. Well, that turned into 6 weeks and I was beginning to see some reprocussions (their hooves were absorbing way too much moisture, causing their hoof walls to get soft. I pay $92 per horse every 7 weeks to have the farrier come out - yes every 7 weeks on the nose. That's almost $400 every two months just to have their feet done. I don't want to see all of that effort and cash down the drain. Not to mention the old addage: No hoof, no horse.) He would be even farther along if he hadn't tried to be efficient. He cut the posts that make the rails all at one time so he could just go down the run and weld. As he starts to put the rails together, he realizes all of the lengths are 1/2" short. He had cut about 10 lengths that way. He thinks that he had the saw set wrong. When something like that happens, it makes you sick to your stomach. He's been working so hard to get this done. At least he can use what was cut wrong for the posts for the paddocks. Needless to say, for 4 weeks worth of Saturdays, he has done a ton to improve the property.

Lexi loves Aladdin. She kept saying, "Butt? Butt?" and then pointing to the movie. We figured out she is saying, "Abu? Abu?" with a little bit of a T sound. Abu is the monkey that is Aladdin's side kick throughout the movie. I will say that the opening song is just about as annoying as a song can be. I hear "Arabian nnnniiiigghts, and Arabian ddddaaayyyyss" about 10 times a day.

She loves to give hugs and says, "AAAhhhhh" - like how lovely that we hare hugging. She is very polite about greeting people or taking her leave. She says Hi and, even if she is just going in the next room, says Bye and waves. She likes to talk to Davis so when he comes in she says, "Hiiii Dadis".

She does a number of funny things every day while entertaining herself. Marti and I wondered what people would think if we started acting like she does: Randomly running in circles and yelling the whole time, pulling on our pants, poking stuff for no reason and asking for something over and over until someone gave it to us. Can you imagine? We would be total outcasts. However, it would be fun to conduct a study on that just see how people react.

Hi, Ho, Hi, Ho, it's back to work we go...

Allen's back at it again. He's made a serious dent in the work outside. He thinks he'll have the fence done today. Then, he'll be able to put up the stalls in the barn during the week after work. That is an ambitious plan so we'll see how it really unfolds. The whole "I'll do it after the baby goes down" plan usually fails because no one wants to start another project at 7 p.m. It takes enough effort just to get into your own bed and not fall asleep where ever you happen to be standing. Let's not forget the "It will only take me a couple of hours" statement that curses any project. You are immediately doomed after you make that declaration.

Marti got in last night so she's been helping with Lexi since I'm pretty much useless. Well, not totally; I can still tell people what to do but that's just plain annoying so I'm trying to keep my big trap shut. Lexi is doing well considering every time she sees me she says, "Nigh, Nigh Momma". I guess I've been in bed over the last month a lot more than I realized. Poor Loo.

By the way, you probably have it all figured out, but I just caught on. If you click on the pictures, they will open in a new window at a much bigger size so that you might actually be able to tell what you're looking at.

Too much of a good thing

You know how you wish you could just get some sleep, lounge around, and catch your breath for a while?

Let me tell you - it gets old. I've been out of commission since the fall on Monday and I'm ready start moving again. The issue here is that, for the most part, my brain is still working but my body is still bruised and battered. I can be up and moving for about 10 minutes and then my ribs start to hurt badly enough that I have to sit down.

I can't even yell at Allen because it takes too much effort and it hurts too much to talk for more than 5-10 minutes. Yelling uses even more resources so I'm only good for that for about 2 minutes.

I am on pain killers and trying to wean off of those over the weekend. Right now, that doesn't seem likely. I also feel like I'm alwasy coming into the theater half way though the movie. I come out of my room and have no idea what has been going on. I can hear Lexi whining and crying and I often make my apperance because of it. That doesn't help much and I'm so hopped up on drugs tha I can't even formulate a coherent sentence so communication has been even more difficult.

Here's to a speedy recovery!
p.s. The spell check on this website isn't working so please excuse the mistakes. I bet I had you all fooled, thinking I knew how to read, write and spell. Ha!